St. John, USVI—In what locals are calling a “classic TP move,” Louisiana native and full-time troublemaker Taylor Peterson (better known as “TP”) found himself stranded in his dinghy last night after losing his boat keys. Instead of attempting to fix the situation, TP cracked open a cooler full of beer and declared it a “floating happy hour.”
Witnesses report that TP was last seen confidently untying a dinghy from the dock at Bernie’s after a marathon beer-chugging session. Unfortunately, the keys he needed to start the motor slipped from his hands and into the sea within minutes of departure. “At first, I thought he’d try to fish them out,” said one bystander. “But instead, he just shrugged and said, ‘Well, guess I’m drinking here now.’”
The Floating Happy Hour
For the next five hours, TP let the tide carry him aimlessly around Cruz Bay, periodically yelling at passing boats to toss him another beer. According to onlookers, his dinghy made several complete circles near the National Park Dock while TP played country music from a waterproof speaker and announced, “This is the best lazy river I’ve ever been on!”
Local bartender Damia, who witnessed the spectacle, said, “Only TP could turn being stranded into a party. People on yachts were cheering him on like he was in a parade.”
A Miraculous Return to Shore
By sunrise, TP’s beer cooler was empty, and so was his memory of how he made it back to land. “The tide brought me home, man,” he explained while polishing off a breakfast beer. “Or maybe it was the beer guiding me. Either way, it worked.”
When asked if he’d learned a lesson from the ordeal, TP replied, “Yeah—always bring a backup cooler.”
